Labyrinth of Mind
by Saniwa
Summary: Your mind is like a labyrinth the further you explore it, the more you’ll get lost in it. AtoRyoZukaFuji


**Disclaimer:** Don't own Prince of Tennis.

**Summary:** Is it possible to love two people at the same time? Have I mixed admiration with love? How do I turn up loving someone whom I have never thought of before? Now I understand; love isn't as simple as tennis. AtoRyoZukaFuji

**Warning:** This is YAOI! Angst TezuRyo. So if you don't like it then you still have a chance to go back now.

_Italic_ means thought "…" means talks each chapter is based on the first person POV

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Echizen - The Thin Line between Love and Hate 

o

_Your mind is like a labyrinth, the further you explore it, the more you'll get lost in it_

o

I was standing at the balcony which headed to the shore, letting the cool breeze caressing my skin softly. _Ah… such bliss, _I thought, t_hough not as good as soaked in a hot tub but this is good enough to greet the day._

I looked up at the glimmering horizon as the sun had kissed the earth. I wondered how long I had been standing here. My train of thought was stopped by a pair of strong arms that encircled my waist from behind then someone purred into my ears.

"Ne, Ryoma…" I shivered in familiar sensation under the sweet assault, not because of the strong wind, "Why are you standing here all night? Leaving Ore-sama alone," hot lips kissed my exposed neck and I gasped, he chuckled.

"You like it don't you!" more a statement than a question.

I turned around and golden met cold deep azure-blue (1). But strangely I felt tremendously warm when my eyes locked with his.

"You already know the answer right?"

A smile curved on his lips, it was different from his usual smirks which he often gave to others. It was special; it was reserved only for me, no one else. That was why I also gave him my rarest smile. His smile widened, he was utterly happy probably because finally I was freed. Free from my past that chained my feet to the ground; free from him who was stubbornly always standing between us. At that time, everything wasn't seemed impossible anymore.

o

o

o

Life was simple.

I always kept that in mind. That was what I always believed in; it was before I met Atobe Keigo five years ago. It had been a subtle approach from him as at that time I was under the magic of Tezuka Kunimitsu. Never would I think I'd give every part of me to him, The Monkey King of Hyotei. He was someone I'd never even given a grain of my attention in the beginning. And if I recalled again what had happened between us, I might hardly believe that not only I lost my virginity to him but also I had trusted my heart to his hands.

I didn't know when or why we started seeing each other. It was inevitable. The disappointment of my relationship with Tezuka, the fear of something that was hidden from my eyes between Fuji-sempai and him, and the pain by the time I knew the truth probably were the driving forces that led me to him. He was the only who was there for me. When desperately seeking for comfort I was. He always stood by me though I was still searching my true feelings for him; he was still there for me. It was unconditional. Never would I think he was capable of such thing. The arrogant, powerful, and narcissistic King of Hyotei he was.

Unexpectedly, he was.

Was it because he held power that even Tezuka didn't have? Or was it because of the worst kind of arrogance within him? But I knew beneath those attitudes of his laid someone with greatness and power that couldn't be matched.

And up till now, I was still wondering how.

o

o

o

"Where have you been, shonen?" I put my shoes on the shoe rack right after I entered my house. I looked at my father who was standing while leaning against a wall with a halfway burnt cigarette hanging loosely on his lips.

"You aren't allowed to smoke inside the house, Oyaji," was my reply while passing him by but a hand caught my shoulder.

"Wait shonen. I'm not finished with you," he said dangerously before his face broke into a sickening grin of his, "You are back from a date, aren't you?" his eyebrows went up and down, as a sign that he was very excited about this.

I turned my head to the direction of the kitchen and shouted as loud as I could, "Kaasan, Oyaji is smoking inside the house and leaving the ashes everywhere on the floor."

Sounds of hurried footsteps approaching us and my angry mother appeared on a threshold that connecting the kitchen with the front room, Nanjiroh, how many times I have to tell you not to smoke inside!" My good for nothing father was dragged by mother on one of his ears.

"Ite… ite…" he yelped in pain, "You brat! You will pay for this shonen; just wait when I beat you into a pulp as always."

"Whatever," I said casually before I ascended the stairs up to my room.

I flopped tiredly on my bed with eyes opened, staring at the ceiling. I rolled over and sighed, _could it be called a date? _It was just a usual private match, a routine for us; a favor that I asked from him in order to improve my play which was agreed by him. And that was the only reason why those private matches were arranged. There was nothing more after it. Hugs, caresses, and kisses were not there. Didn't mean I was asking for them. It was just basic curiosity and needs of a growing teenager.

_We're lovers for weeks already… but there were times I felt he was unsure of everything. _I stroke Karupin who joined me on the bed immediately, snuggling.

_And we have spent great amount of time together. _Playing tennis, studying, fishing, and camping; even though there were just the two of us, he barely touched me._ Is this the result of two most stoic people got together?_

I mentally noted over and over again that the lack of intimacy between us due to the fact we were not legal yet. Or just say he didn't want to lose control and did things we might regret later on.

_But why we are going to regret it. We love each other. We both want it._

That was my own argument. And what hurt me more was the fact that even I, his lover, couldn't make him out of control. All of these feeling forced an unwanted thought into me, _does he really love me?_

By the time you were questioning your relationship, it would be the beginning of its end. I realized that well but a stubborn part of me insisted on maintaining it.

_We'll be getting better by time. We just need time to get use to of everything. _

I sighed and hoped that'd be the one for me and Tezuka.

o

o

o

Uncomfortable silence, accusing stare, and rejection were things that dancing between us. I was still looking up at you Tezuka. _I still am. _I bit my lower lip, trying my best to assure myself from the possibility. And now if only you'd answer me.

"Why didn't you tell me about your arm?" My voice sounded weird in my ears. Had this anger deceived my hearing as well?

"I don't think that was necessary." My eyes were unbelievably gone wide upon your answer.

"Why?" _I can't lose my calm now. Not now._

You only sat in that high chair of yours while I was kneeling down on the floor and looking up at you. You always treated me like this, telling me not to sit on your bed or anywhere else. Was it to show you were always above me, Tezuka? Was it to remind me who I was to you, Tezuka?

Then why did you ask me out right after our match in the first place? Why did you accept me months ago? Why did you kiss me when I told you that I was attracted to you? Were you trying to assure me or driving me insane, Tezuka?

"I've said enough to you, Echizen."

My heart clenched tightly inside my chest, _Echizen. _Up till now, you were still refusing to call me by my first name. It was one of the things that I had been asking you many times. Was it your last attempt to stand a wall between us?

_When you'll ever open up to me, Tezuka? And accepting everything like the way I am._

"Was… was it because you were afraid that I'd do the same as Atobe?"

You were remained silent but I already saw it; it was there, the slight widening of your eyes when I said those words.

_Please, _"Please don't tell me I was right." _God, please answer me, Tezuka! _"I don't know you were thinking that low about me, Tezuka."

There was still silence from you. And at that time never I'd think love could be so painful.

o

o

o

"Everyone gathered. I got a message from Tezuka," Oishi's sempai words woke me up from my reverie then I went up to him along with the rest of the regulars.

I was trying to be as calm as usual though inside my heart was beating with expectation. True he was still calling me at least several times a week but they were just short conversations since neither of us loved talking that much moreover on the phone.

"Support each other. Don't get careless,"

"Is that all?" strangely it was Fuji-sempai who voiced the nagging feeling out, not me.

_Shouldn't it have been me? _I thought I was the only one who felt like that. Silently, I saw Fuji-sempai from the corner of my eyes, studying him carefully.

"Yes, why?" A confused look not only from Oishi-sempai but also the others.

He brought his hands up to his chin; thinking, "Iie," and then he said it quickly upon noticing I was glancing at him. He gave me a smile. It was a weak and forced one.

Inwardly, I frowned.

o

o

o

It had been months since his departure, although our team's power was decreased by half without him, we were doing pretty well until it came to Kantou final against Rikkaidai. For the first time in my life, I felt fear and excitement at the same time of a stronger opponent running through my vein; one new name, Sanada Genichirou. If I couldn't beat him then I wouldn't be able to surpass Tezuka or even my father. I admitted if the final wasn't canceled for a week, we'd be defeated soundly.

The training camp was hard but proven to be useful especially the practice match against Hyotei. Secretly, I hoped that I could play against the Monkey King, one of those few players whom Tezuka considered strong. He was the only opponent who could gain victory over Tezuka though using a rather dirty way.

My heart was throbbing painfully as I remembered my conversation with Tezuka right before he was gone. Quickly, I shook the thought out of my mind. It wouldn't do me any good.

As destiny played its game, it granted my wish. During my match with the Monkey King, I sensed there was something going on between Atobe and Tezuka, some kind of agreement that I couldn't put my fingers on it.

And the bad thing was because of it I started feeling there was something about Atobe that made him attractive. That made him different from Tezuka and Fuji-sempai.

Indeed, he was strong. But Tezuka and Fuji were also strong. There was more than just tennis skill. I kept thinking about it for days and nights until the point I gave up and shrugged it off.

It was on our first time together, I finally understood.

o

o

o

Unbelievably, we beat the champion, Rikkaidai. I couldn't wait to tell Tezuka about our amazing fights. I almost jumped with happiness when the team decided to visit him. However, once again I had to swallow disappointment. When we arrived there, he didn't acknowledge me as I was supposed to be for him. The first thing he said to me was his opinion about my match with Sanada.

"You played fairly well…"

"Domo," I eyed him warily, expecting him to utter something… better!

"But there're still many holes in it."

I couldn't take it anymore. And that was the last straw he pulled. Until the visit was ended, I ignored him completely. Purposely got lost with Inui-senpai and Momo-senpai; I could just ask for direction or contact the rehabilitation center. I knew German quite well. But my mind was still whirling with anger and despair as I have to stay away from him for a while. There was a decision for me to make.

He was suspicious though since when we met again after I had a match with his trainer, I just walked away from him; he eyed me warily.

_Things were not supposed to be like this, Tezuka. But I've made up my mind_.

I would call an end for all of these by the time his shoulder was healed. After all I didn't want his treatment failed. It would be a great loss.

One last smile to assure him everything was fine then once more we were apart.

o

o

o

"Do you think it's wise, Fuji?"

A chuckle, "Why not, Oishi?"

"I can also collect more data for our team when we're going to face Hyotei at the National," Inui-sempai said as usual, backing Fuji-sempai up with his logical reason.

"Do you think we should tell Tezuka first?" Oishi asked again, still unsure somehow.

"I don't think that's necessary, Oishi-sempai," I spoke up quickly after hearing his name, "It is just for a couple days."

"Ochibi's right," cheered Kikumaru-sempai as always, "Then again we can have a great summer vacation nya."

Under the assault of his doubles partner pleading look, the Saigaku mother couldn't do anything. He sighed and walked over to Atobe's butler, a man around his mid fifty, who was waiting patiently while standing outside the club house for our answer regarding Atobe Keigo's invitation.

"Please tell Atobe-san we're honored for his offer and gladly accept it. Arigato gozaimashita," bowed Oishi-sempai politely.

"I'll inform this good news to young master Keigo soon, Oishi-kun," he bowed back and left.

"Well, that was all for today," we got out from the locker room after finished discussing further this matter.

"Don't worry, Oishi, it's not something dangerous for us."

"Yeah, Oishi-sempai is thinking too much," teased Momo-sempai.

"That's why he is Seigaku mama ne," Fuji-sempai didn't want to miss the opportunity as well.

All of them, except me, were chuckling when Oishi-sempai blushed shyly, scratching his head.

Meanwhile, Kikumaru-sempai words were replaying in my mind over and over again /i_t's not something dangerous for us/_

Later on in my life, I pondered, whether they were right or wrong.

o

o

o

It was great, I must admit that. The place where we spent a week at was secluded and huge. We could practice with adequate space and complete facilities. The Monkey King didn't lie when he said it'd be good for both teams before the national. I wondered why he invited us, helping his arch enemy. I didn't mind though so I just shrugged it off since not only I could forget about Tezuka for a while but also I could play tennis everyday against Hyotei regulars nonetheless.

Everything was perfect. It was, until the last day before we went back home.

I was soaked in the biggest hot tub there after practice that day. Everyone had left minutes ago. It was a pure bliss. As good as traditional hot spring I used to go during holiday season with my family.

_That monkey king is so lucky for having a mansion with hot tub like this._ I was too occupied in my meditation for not noticing someone approaching me.

The ripple sound of water, "Ne Echizen-kun."

I opened my eyes and saw Atobe Keigo looming over a bit too close to my discomfort, "Hn?" I was also quite aware with Atobe's choice of calling my name.

What I didn't expect was what he did next; he lifted my body a bit out of the water and planted a kiss on my lips. It was a brief one, only lips brushing lips. I blinked several times, not believing what was just happened.

_Atobe… Atobe Keigo, he… no, the monkey king kissed me!_

After recovering my shock, I shot him my best death glare. Instead of backing away, like most people do, he just chuckled and leant forward, "Do you know how cute you are like this?"

I could feel his warmth breath on my cheek and shivered involuntary though all the time keep on glaring at him to cover it up.

"Ah… I see you're awed at my beauty," he teased, running a hand through my hair.

I glared the deadliest ever and swatted his hand away. "You might not know this. _No one does! _But Tezuka and I…"

"Are together," he cut off, "For like about… four months or so if I'm not wrong," he added lazily.

_How does he know?_ I blinked; the look of surprise on my face must've been obvious since he chuckled even more.

"Honestly, what did you see in him?"

Now I was angry, even though Tezuka wasn't a good boyfriend, didn't mean anyone especially HIM could say such thing.

I snapped, "YOU know nothing about him. He's…"

Again I was cut off, "The most unromantic lover in the world. He never kisses you or treats you in a proper way or at least like the way you want it. And he never gives a damn about you," I gasped utterly shocked; he smirked arrogantly, "He's a cold-hearted bastard. That's what WE know!"

_How come he knows about that as well? _

"Ho-how…" I couldn't finish my question or say a single word to fight back his insult since they all hit their home. My voice was caught in my throat as calmly he tilted my chin up, locking my eyes with his. I couldn't tear away my gaze from his perfect beauty which was emanating power, captivating me.

"Of course I know Echizen-kun. I know everything about you," was his final answer before once more closing the distance between us.

tbc

START 10/03/04  
END 03/06/05

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(1) I must say the DIVA has a very interesting eye color 

Finally, I was able to get this fic done. This is the story which I was facing the most difficult writer block. It has been rewritten eight times. Though I have started with chapter two on how Atobe falling for Ryoma and trying to steal his heart it might not come out soon. But please do bear with me. Ignore the spacing, this site format is so irritating (sigh)

Thank you for reading and tell me what you think. MaY


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